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Celebrity Cosmopolitan. Celebrity Bravo. World HuffPost. Business The Daily Beast. The perspective of chemistry in psychology is pretty straightforward, at least at a baseline level, according to Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. Visual chemistry might also explain why we try to peg matches from mere appearance. Our brains want to fit couples inside of cookie-cutters, as we put together people who we guess would have the most visual chemistry.
But usually, underneath it all, psychology suggests that similarities lie at the core of most relationships. And discord is something everybody tends to notice. It would explain the noticeable friction between the characters of Mindy and Danny. The anthropological perspective on sexual chemistry is a little different. Culturally and socially, we still do expect similarities to pool together, and those cultural influences can drive our decisions about whom we pair off with — at least in part.
However, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph. D, Chief Scientific Advisor of Match. Why Her? Years ago, Fisher researched the question of what exactly causes us to fall for a specific type of person, so she looked at the brain and its systems to see if certain traits were linked to certain systems that drive personality.
She found four sets of traits linked to four different systems: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. If you know a little about brain science and hormones, you might be able to guess the characteristics linked to each system. Dopamine-oriented people are the thrill-seekers, who love novelty, spontaneity, and flexibility.
Those driven by serotonin are generally traditionally-minded and conventional; they seek calmness, rules, and set schedules, and are often more religious. Those fueled by testosterone are usually analytical, logical, skeptical, a little lacking in empathy, but great at math and science. Estrogen-oriented people are intuitive, emotionally-expressive, diplomatic, and imaginative, with great people and verbal skills.
Fisher developed questions to gauge how well people fit each biochemical system, and then had thousands of Chemistry. Finally, she watched to see whom those people responded to while selecting dates on Match.
Perhaps this is why research findings and our perception of whether similarities or differences are better together is so mixed. The types that feel the pull?
Serotonin tends to pair off with serotonin and dopamine tends to go for dopamine, whereas testosterone and estrogen tend to attract each other meaning: their opposite. Fisher guesses this is likely why Kaling and Messina can create such chemistry. When you spend a lot of time with someone you tend to pick up certain mannerisms, sayings, or tendencies. That is why many people lovingly say that their partner makes them a better person.
While it is definitely nice to bond with someone over similar interests, it can be fun to learn different hobbies and interests from your partner. Rolled into having different interests, pushing each other, curiosity, and excitement is the fact that you will keep on challenging each other in a way that makes you both step out of your comfort zones and be the best you. They call it a partner for a reason! If you are lacking in one area and your partner can pick up the slack, you make one damn good team.
When one is more talkative, outgoing, and high energy and the other one is more laid back and quiet they, again, balance each other out.
Put two loud people in a room and see if either listen to the other.
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