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So, if regret is inevitable in the logic of some, at least let people choose what to regret! Some people are not married yet because they value marriage a lot. Remember the quote in the movie "27 Dresses"? They don't want the idea of getting married; they want a strong and healthy marriage. People generalize that those who aren't married are the ones who don't appreciate settling down and being committed.
It could be that those people understand the concept so well that they want to make sure they choose correctly. Those who take their time are aware that life is not only about the wedding, the honeymoon and the first couple of years, and they are realistic enough to understand that love doesn't come after you get married -- well at least not the kind of love they want. They understand that things will get real and that "for better and worse" is literal and should last a lifetime.
We teach our girls to be dependent because of an entrenched social belief that women can't or shouldn't do it all alone. Well, some girls this one included were taught differently! When the nagging subject is a man, he is being pressured because society wants him to procreate, while with women, society wants them to be safe.
We socially accept the fact that men have every right to choose when to get married -- when he is ready and when he has accomplished and seen enough. Women, however, are forced to start racing towards the golden cage, not trained to listen to their needs or wants or to even choose the pace of their own life, believing they have to secure themselves a partner, no matter the cost. Instead of believing in the potential of our girls, encouraging them to work, find a career they love, find a purpose in life, find their strengths and use them for the greater benefit, we make them believe that the journey to knowledge is over with a BA and that the next mission is to get married.
If a guy comes along, a girl should consider him, regardless of what her plans are. Of course if we keep doing this to our girls, they will most definitely be incapable of doing it alone. Getting married is a choice, and any choice is a trade-off. Like Sheryl Sandberg said in the final chapter of Lean In and professor Joan Williams's theory of Gender Wars, maybe we aren't all entirely comfortable with all of our decisions.
As a result, we unconsciously hold that discomfort against those who remind us of the path not taken. They will say all of that without taking a moment to consider or even ask how you might feel about be single. They just go straight to "oh no," as though someone died. Maybe, dare I say it, we are happy being over 30 and single. Who decided that being single and or something is a bad thing? I could be cynical here and say that the marrieds respond this way because misery loves company.
But, really, most people are conditioned to believe that there is only one path that "the normal" people follow; they cannot organically conclude that happiness can happen without a lid, that happiness comes from inside and not from someone else. The truth is that most women and men who are single in their 30s and 40s are not single because they made some command decision to be single. They did not plan it that way; life just happens.
I did not plan to be 35 and unmarried living in the Midwest with a mortgage and a dog. That, while great, is not the in the dreams and plans of any year-old girls I know.
In gambler terms, we all play the hand we are dealt, and so far, a wedding hasn't been in the cards for me. The good news is that my unmarried life has presented many fabulous things that I never planned or could have predicted: a great job that has nothing to do with practicing law; travel that has included standing on the Great Wall of China, watching the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo from the Casino turn, and feeling the wind on my face as I look out at the Cliffs of Moher; and deep and meaningful friendships.
I would not trade those experiences and gifts for the man that I would have married when I was 20 or Although, I do sometimes wonder if my life would be better if it fit more neatly into what our culture sees as normal: if I were married. When I do that I always go back to the same thing. I guess I'm just supposed to stay single forever. Undaunted by the culture of cluelessness about single life, I hereby offer the last 'why are you single' list you will ever need.
It is at the Living Single blog, and it includes, of course, the real 1 reason. News U. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. Special Projects Highline. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Follow Us. Terms Privacy Policy. The question about not being married is ridiculous, so give an equally preposterous answer:. Then she listed the reasons she thinks single people give for why they are not married.
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